i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
