If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
