I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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