How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
