Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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