I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
