i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
