Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sext me about skeletons
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
