When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
