You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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