Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
