So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
