Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
