i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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