so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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