Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
