He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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