Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
