I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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