Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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