You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
