trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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