Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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