My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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