She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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