At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize