Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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