Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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