I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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