I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
there is puke in my bra ... again
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