the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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