I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
