NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
