idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
