legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
