i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
