It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
