I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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