based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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