ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize