I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
