You're completely useless in the revolution.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
