just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
