I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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