Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
