You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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