i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Houston, we have a blender
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
