Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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