So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
