so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
