You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
