I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
