Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
