Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
