god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Found the puke drawer
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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