I accidentally had phone sex last night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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