Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
