I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
