i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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