Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
