eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
