I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
