I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
