Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Randomize
