so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
did i just pee glitter
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
