So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
