yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
