he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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