I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
